Let's Learn English! Make us laugh!! show us your funnys! - page 1 - Generale - Associna Forum

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KyoKusanagi

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Let's Learn English! Make us laugh!! show us your funnys!
« il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 21:27:09 pm »
Australian Tourism

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streetò (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracksò (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville! and Hervey Bay? (USA)

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, rightò

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year roundò (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da KyoKusanagi »

BlackPepper

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« Risposta #1 il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 21:37:38 pm »
What a sense of humour  :roll:
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da BlackPepper »
Sorridi sempre anche se il tuo sorriso è triste, perchè più triste di un sorriso triste c´è la tristezza di non saper sorridere. - J.M.

KyoKusanagi

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« Risposta #2 il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 21:46:53 pm »
which it is the answer that you like more?
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da KyoKusanagi »

BlackPepper

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« Risposta #3 il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 22:33:53 pm »
Maybe this one:
Citazione
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

I don't know why I found it funny since it's not funny at all  :?  maybe the last sentence  ---> Come naked  :-D
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da BlackPepper »
Sorridi sempre anche se il tuo sorriso è triste, perchè più triste di un sorriso triste c´è la tristezza di non saper sorridere. - J.M.

Mimmo

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« Risposta #4 il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 23:06:45 pm »
In my opinion nothing else maked me laugh, just  f*cking english ridicolous irony.










just a joke  :-D
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da Mimmo »

BlackPepper

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« Risposta #5 il: 03 Febbraio, 2006, 23:27:07 pm »
x Mimmo:
The past thense of the verb "to make" is made  :wink:

PS: please correct me anytime I make mistakes  :-D
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da BlackPepper »
Sorridi sempre anche se il tuo sorriso è triste, perchè più triste di un sorriso triste c´è la tristezza di non saper sorridere. - J.M.

Mimmo

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« Risposta #6 il: 04 Febbraio, 2006, 14:46:21 pm »
Citazione da: "BlackPepper"
x Mimmo:
The past thense of the verb "to make" is made  :wink:

PS: please correct me anytime I make mistakes  :-D


Kyo, do you have anymore interesting things about English? The night driving me crazy
!!!!
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da Mimmo »

Alessandro

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« Risposta #7 il: 04 Febbraio, 2006, 14:47:07 pm »
Citazione da: "BlackPepper"
x Mimmo:
The past thense of the verb "to make" is made  :wink:

PS: please correct me anytime I make mistakes  :-D
X is italian :smt082
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da Alessandro »

KyoKusanagi

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« Risposta #8 il: 04 Febbraio, 2006, 17:41:50 pm »
Citazione da: "Mimmo"
Citazione da: "BlackPepper"
x Mimmo:
The past thense of the verb "to make" is made  :wink:

PS: please correct me anytime I make mistakes  :-D

Kyo, do you have anymore interesting things about English? The night driving me crazy
!!!!


Here you go!

He Vs She

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautifulò
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your signò
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da KyoKusanagi »

nik978

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« Risposta #9 il: 05 Febbraio, 2006, 11:39:55 am »
the first one (australian) is very funny!
ok, is some shitty english humorism, but why don't try something like that on Associna?

- Is true that in Italy you eat cats and dogsò
sure..and also elephants, pandas, bears, crocodiles, unicorn, dragons..:D

- And why do you steal work to italians people?
Because we are drugged in stealing work..it's like a drug..we cannot stop this..

:D
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da nik978 »
Mr Huang talk about you. Do you know , everybody likes you in
Ningbo,.All of us expect your stay here. We\'ll drink chinese wine
togeter and go insane.

neramaranto

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« Risposta #10 il: 10 Febbraio, 2006, 18:45:50 pm »
Ahahahaha ........ oh. my god.............. so so funny.......... in particular He Vs She................. ahahaha........ some quip are very true.............
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da neramaranto »

nik978

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« Risposta #11 il: 10 Febbraio, 2006, 22:14:43 pm »
i think that most of all are very true..:D
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da nik978 »
Mr Huang talk about you. Do you know , everybody likes you in
Ningbo,.All of us expect your stay here. We\'ll drink chinese wine
togeter and go insane.

glaus

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« Risposta #12 il: 11 Febbraio, 2006, 14:28:06 pm »
It's spillin' over the edge!!!!
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da glaus »

Feichow

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« Risposta #13 il: 19 Febbraio, 2006, 22:15:24 pm »
Let's Laugh about Chinese ppl living in English speaking countries:

1) A Chinese guy is trying to get the driving license but he can't speak English very well, he understands only STRAIGHT, LEFT and RIGHT.
On the driving exam day the teacher is giving the instructions and everythings looks going smooth but at the end....
Teacher: "well...now turn left and stop the engine".
Chinese:"LEFT?"
Teacher:" Alright".
The chinese guy turned to the right and had to repeat the exam.

2) A chinese tourist is walking in london and bumps into an english man.
Chinese:"Oh..i'm sorry"
English:" Well,  i'm sorry TOO".
The chinese tourist is hesitating a moment and then replies:"I'm sorry three".
English:"but...what are you sorry FOR?"
Chinese:"oh, i'm sorry FIVE".
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da Feichow »

BlackPepper

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« Risposta #14 il: 19 Febbraio, 2006, 22:25:28 pm »
That was really funny!  :smt082
« Ultima modifica: 01 Gennaio, 1970, 01:00:00 am da BlackPepper »
Sorridi sempre anche se il tuo sorriso è triste, perchè più triste di un sorriso triste c´è la tristezza di non saper sorridere. - J.M.